Let’s talk about the problem with closure or the absence of it

When pursuing inner growth and balance you find yourself facing a lot of questions.  Questions about yourself, questions on how to handle your emotional ups and downs, questions about letting go and so on.  The first thing I want to stress is that no matter what anybody else says, the answer to your inner growth and balance is you.  More precisely your feelings and how you feel about doing something or not doing it.  The process to growth requires you to take a look at yourself, your opinions, judgements, and other external influences or internal ones; but ultimately, if you do something that doesn’t resonate with you, you will find yourself repeating patterns and not really growing or pursuing balance.

This mini-preface before getting into closure is important because you can read all the articles and self-help or inspirational books you want, but if you don’t believe in the advice or tips you’re being given, if you don’t feel them from deep within, you won’t be pursuing anything.  You’ll feel stuck and see repeating patterns, which will drive you crazy or make you feel horrible about yourself because you’re not taking the steps you know or have been told you should be taking to improve the quality of your life and the harmony within you.

With that being said, anything you read, you should always use to add to what you feel is true and/or use it as a way to explore yourself, your beliefs and feelings; until you find your “ah ha” moments.  Believe me when I say, you’ll know you’ve found them because you’ll feel an overwhelming rush of energy and bliss take over in that moment.

So, on the matter of closure.  This need to bring things full circle before being able to let go of them is essentially another thing we hold on to if you think about.  If you’re going to free yourself from external inputs as you pursue your inner growth and balance, letting go of a lot of things is going to be the way you achieve this thanks to the independence from external inputs you gain from doing this.

Closure is something people usually want so that they can get answers to questions they have or so that they can get off their chest something they’ve been meaning to say to a person or about a situation.  Letting go of a situation or someone without having the opportunity to confront them for the last time, to speak your mind for the last time, can drive people mad. Without closure, without knowing the why or having a complete ending to something, everything stays pending because usually closure deals with situations where one or more people are involved or something has happened that was not our decision or in our control.

The problem with closure and absence of closure lies in this exact thing: the need of something or someone outside of us and that we can’t control.  With there being an external thing linked to having closure it is normal for individuals to pursue it or be upset if they can’t have it.  However, if we take a step further into what closure brings, it brings us answers or the opportunity to state our case.  This implies the need of validation by someone or something other than us; and this is where the problem really comes out.  If closure is getting answers, this means our own answers aren’t enough for us.  If closure is the opportunity to say what’s on our mind, it means us wanting to be heard, understood, and possibly even being told we’re right.  This is the external input that individuals need to let go of if they’re really going to focus on their own inner growth and finding harmony from within.

When a situation arises that we can’t change or when a person drops off the face of the earth for whatever reason, it is then that we should rely on our own answers and reasoning without needing to have confirmation from an external source of what our answers and reasoning are.  If on the other hand we’re still looking to confirm those answers and reasoning, then we could easily be stuck in that situation endlessly (if the opportunity for closure never arises).  The reason having closure is so important or not having it is so frustrating is because there’s still something we want from the situation or person.  This means we’re not letting go of the external and that what we hold within, our answers and thoughts on the matter, aren’t enough for us to be ok.  If you remain stuck on wanting that external validation of right or wrong, the external input on what is going on, the external input that tells you the “real” answer, then you are not trusting yourself and your answers.  What you have to say or what you think on the matter isn’t enough for you.  This also means you’re still putting yourself second to others and/or the external, or definitely you’re not putting yourself first since your answers and conclusions aren’t enough for you to give yourself closure.

Yes, as humans we live in a society and coexist with others, but that doesn’t mean we can’t rely on our internal inputs to give us the answers we’re looking for or anyways, since answers from others depend on a variable that is never constant (whether another person or life situations), as long as that’s where we’re looking to for answers, we’ll always find ourselves in situations of ups and downs.  This is the problem with closure or the absence of it if you continue to want that closure from everyone and everything outside of you.

It’s not right or wrong, it’s a choice, and one based on what you feel is in tune with you.  Just keep in mind that as long as you put your choice in the hands of external inputs, you can’t expect consistent balance due to uncontrollable variables (the external inputs).

What do you think about closure and the absence of it?  How do you handle it and ensure it doesn’t stop you from inner growth and balance?

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