In our lives there will be many situations where we will feel wronged or want justice and although this is understandable, focusing on this won’t allow you to see other things that are much more important. So how can you let go of being right and refocus your attention on what really matters?
The first thing that needs to be brought to your attention in situations like these is the fact that each side thinks they are right. It’s all about perspective and seeing as people do things as a consequence of what they believe in they will think that they’re right in doing so. This doesn’t mean someone can’t tell if they’ve done something wrong or not, but the likelihood in those situations where a clash arises is based on the fact that two or more people think one side is in the right and the other isn’t.
This idea of one side versus the other being right is exactly why focus on being right ends up being a waste of time and energy. If the other side thought they were wrong, you wouldn’t feel wronged because the person or people would have already apologized instead of standing their ground in thinking they’re right. This cycle is endless and even though some people may say talking helps, this isn’t always the case.
Add to the situation the component of anger and frustration, and you have a mix of emotions that keeps growing every day more. The more you think about what has happened and not getting an apology or admission of guilt, the more you get upset at the entire situation. This is where your focus on being right totally messes with you.
It’s not about you being right or wrong that is the issue, it’s about you not being able to go beyond this situation without an apology or justice being served. It’s about thinking of all the ways you are right and how the other person should see it so clearly that you wonder how is it even possible that they don’t see it. Again, all throughout this process the only certain thing is your feelings of injustice at the entire scenario. This focus takes away from what you could be learning about what just happened and how you could learn something about yourself if only you stopped thinking so much about the other side (and how wrong they are).
If you find yourself in this situation the best thing to do is to remember that if an apology isn’t given it means the person or people don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. At this point the questions you should be asking are why are you so upset and what can you do to change how you feel about this without needing the other people involved to do something about it.
Since perspective is what the clash is all about, try to take a step back and look at what is really bothering you about this. Can you tell if there’s any judgement on your end or expectation that influences what you’re thinking and how you’re reacting? If so, isn’t your judgement and expectation just as influential to this whole thing as the other person’s or people’s judgement and expectation?
Try to see what it is you can takeaway from this experience instead of doing everything you can to try and convince someone else that they have to admit they’re wrong when they don’t think they are. Then look to what you can do to avoid these types of situations. Also, if these people have specific characteristics about them or a way of doing things that don’t resonate with you, remove them from your circle of friends and avoid having people like this in your life.
Do remember that overall in life each person is just trying to make it and maybe what they did wasn’t meant to affect anyone. They can’t help being who they are and doing things in the way they see things. We’re each limited in our view, seeing as we can only see so far; and this seeing is based on our life experiences and our thought processes, values and beliefs.
How do you refocus from being right or wanting justice to the bigger picture, to the meaning and lessons of a situation that arises where you feel wronged?