Relationships and intent go hand in hand. Do you ever wonder, why some people click while others don’t or why some relationships disappoint you? Do you ever ask yourself when pondering these questions, what your intent was or is when it comes to the relationships you’re questioning?
If there’s one thing I’m certain of, it is that relationships are meant to be or they’re not. As humans we’re led to believe that we have to work to get anything, and that there’s a give and take; the reality is that as you live life you are automatically building something, you are automatically giving and taking.
The intent behind your actions are what define what you build, what you experience, and what you surround yourself with.
It doesn’t take work to make a relationship work or not, it takes genuine interest in that relationship without motives or needs. If you don’t care, if you’re interested in a relationship to get something out of it, even if that something is getting the relationship, that is exactly what you will get in return. You get that return because it is that type of relationship you are building. A relationship to fulfill a need.
This isn’t bad or good, but if you build based on need, what you’re building and receiving will always be based on getting something, and it will always go both ways.
This means when you or the other person no longer need each other the relationship will dissolve. It also means that you will attract the same type of people, those who invest in relationships to gain something from them. This gain doesn’t have to be monetary, it can be emotional too. And the reality is that most people define relationships based on give and take. It is what we’re taught, and it is how it seems the world works.
However, I will say this, from personal experience it doesn’t have to be this way. Our own intent changes the outcome of what takes place with that relationship. If you don’t have expectations, if you are genuinely interested in purely sharing a moment, interested in the other person’s life, not because you need something from them, but just because; then that relationship, whether it lasts a minute or years, will be an added gift to your life, to your person, or for sure it will be an experience that you will cherish. It will not have taken from you, if anything t will have added to you; added to you without you having initiated that relationship in order to take something from it.
Of course one could argue that since you did get something from this relationship, then you fulfilled a need; but if your intent was not to fulfill a need, but simply to listen, relate to or live for one brief moment through the eyes of another, your gain was not a need to fulfill, but more the appreciation of other life than your own. If one or both people shared a mutual connection and appreciation for what was shared in the relationship, did not both people incorporate that relationship within their being? Meaning neither took from the other, but more than anything, each added to each other’s life.
Let me try expressing this thought in a more concrete way. Yesterday I was watching a blab of the S.M.A.C. Talk podcast by Brian Fanzo (Twitter: @iSocialFanz) and Daniel Newman (Twitter: @danielnewmanUV); which by the way, is what inspired this blog post in the first place. These two individuals are two of the most amazing people that I have ever met. They are genuine leaders, successful entrepreneurs, who care about what they do, who know what they’re talking about, and who want to make a positive difference in this world.
Being an online marketer, I’ve seen my fair share of leaders (from multiple industries) who are in the spotlight. A majority of them (or at least half of them) want to help the world and they are doing it, and it’s great! However, a lot of them have hidden agendas (that they may not even be aware of on a conscious level), their intent comes from a different place. I know this because when someone talks about helping the world to become a better place and wanting to build relationships and collaborate, but that person doesn’t give others the time of day or doesn’t set up a system to ensure that others can collaborate; then the intent isn’t really on building relationships and collaboration to help the world, but it is focused on building relationships and collaboration based on a set criterion that this person views as important and meaningful.
The intent is a need for building relationships that they consider will increase their value and add something to their mission, their goal. The intent is not, let us all work together and build something to help the world.
And even though these leaders’ intent and actions will get things done, will make a positive impact in people’s lives and the world; it is not genuine or purely to help the world and that’s it, it comes from a strategic thought process of how they can grow the movement they believe in. Granted, nobody has all the time in the world, nobody can build a relationship with every human being on the planet, and each of us values our time and has limited time, and there’s also the reality of life, which includes having to make a living to live and be a part of society, and having a family to take care of and do things with, and so on and so forth; but if you genuinely want to help the world, then you also automatically value everyone’s opinion and you automatically want to try and get as many people involved as possible.
These leaders’ intent shows through their actions and they will surround themselves with those people that will help their intent, and they will help the world, but they will also leave others disappointed and they will also find a lot of people who will connect with them for the same reason they are connecting with others, that is to fulfill a specific need and/or end goal.
Again, it’s not good or bad, and it’s not the end of the world, but the underlying difference comes through one way or another. As John Lennon’s song goes, maybe I’m dreamer; however, out of about 15 leaders that I’ve reached out to so far, I’ve gotten four that replied, that engage with me, and that I call friends, and hopefully one day they will call me friend too. This is proof of genuine intent behind their words “building relationships and collaboration to help the world.”
My intent in reaching out was not to add to my number of friends or establish a connection to grow my influence or position, but it came from the desire to share how amazingly inspiring and heartwarming it is to see what they are doing and that they are in the spotlight, to tell them that I would love to help in any way I can, to create a relationship that could assist in helping them to help the world become an even better place than it is today.
The ones who did not respond to me, I still follow and still help where I can; but their lack of response to me and others shows that their intent is to build relationships and collaboration with those they deem worthy. Even though they will accomplish what they’ve set out to do and they will continue to be leaders, they have closed the door and continue to do so to others based on the fact that they don’t need those other relationships.
So I leave you with this question…
What does that say to you about their intent and how does it/will it affect their relationships?