Avoiding to take out frustrations or a bad day on somebody else

Avoiding to take out frustrations or a bad day on somebody else

A couple days ago I had an interesting conversation that sparked my thoughts for today’s Wednesday Wisdom post.

The story first ~

I was at a café in Pozzuoli (near Naples, Italy) getting an espresso and asking about how payment for the parking lot worked. The signs that explained the regulations were confusing as to what the costs were depending on the day and time. 

From this conversation, the bartenders told me about an encounter they had had during the week with a lady who had the same question, but who got upset about the parking payment system as they told her how it worked. 

As they were sharing what happened, a gentleman at the counter (who I later found out is the café’s owner) intervened saying how he would have told the lady that if she didn’t like it she could leave and that they served coffee, they had no control over how the parking payment system worked.  As he expressed this, I could tell he was quite upset. 

In response, I said that maybe the lady was having a bad day, at which he replied we could all be having a bad day that doesn’t mean anything.  His tone was still quite upset, so then I tried to find out if the lady had somehow offended the bartenders (his employees) and that’s why he was taking it so personally or maybe she had offended the café.

This wasn’t the case or I should say, what transpired was that he had a stressful living situation going on at home.  He blurted it out as he was somewhat venting about this lady and her tone.  His employees gave this look of shock, like oh no, what is he saying; why is he sharing all this information with customers. 

The moral of the story is that had he been there he would’ve gotten as “aggressive” in his tone as the lady’s tone with his staff.  Obviously, it was clear that like the lady, he too was frustrated for something that day.  Had the two met they would have fueled each other’s “fire” so to speak.  Luckily, he wasn’t there and his staff handled it by simply allowing the lady to vent and then go about her way.

Without focusing on this situation from a business and customer service angle, but from a communication standpoint, if you meet fire (an angry tone) without fire (so calmly), you not only allow the situation to avoid escalating; but you also avoid two angry people getting on each other’s case for no reason except for the fact that they both were having a really bad day.

Kindness and love or at least understanding without taking something personally (especially when it isn’t a direct attack on your person) will always benefit a situation for you, as well as the “aggressor” who is dealing with some kind of stressful situation.

People aren’t always upfront about what is going on in their life; after all, it’s personal.  But if you stay calm and lend an ear, that can be enough to help a person get rid of pent up emotions.  In this case, could have the lady avoided yelling at the staff about something they had no control over?  Yes, of course she could’ve; but she didn’t because she wasn’t aware of how she was taking out her frustrations on others.  Thanks to the staff being able to stay calm they didn’t make the situation worse.

Always try to see what kind of day you’re having and if you’re taking out your frustrations on somebody else.  Also keep in mind that if someone gets “aggressive” with you, it could be due to something that is going on in their life that puts them on edge and upsets them so much that they’ll find any way to let it out.

Try to be understanding of others and realize that they usually express frustration if they are upset for some reason (something that they’re dealing with).  If it gets too bad, just remove yourself from the situation altogether.  In the end, you getting frustrated with the other person doesn’t help them stop; and if anything, it gets you to take the same tone with them.

How do you handle people who speak to you out of frustration?

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How to cope with stress to help yourself in the moment

How to cope with stress to help yourself in the moment

Everyone experiences stress.  Be it your job or a loved one leaving, or something happening that makes you worried.  The list is endless of stressful situations.  How you cope with stress can help you or increase your stress levels.  So how can you cope with stress in a way that helps you in that moment and in future moments of stress?  Well, mindset and what you focus on most in those stressful times are key.

If you find yourself stressed out about something or because of someone the first thing you want to do is pause.  Pause and take a deep breath and start looking for ways to resolve your situation.  The more you focus on the problem and the more your stress levels will increase.  You don’t want that so remove the focus on the stressor and find your antistressors.

What can serve as an antistressor is a solution to your problem, but sometimes there is no solution.  In cases where you have no solution to your problem, contemplate the good in your life.  Think about your loved ones or the things you cherish the most, like the fact that your alive.  If life isn’t a boost in itself because maybe in that moment it really isn’t the best life you imagined for yourself, focus on the next best thing you do have.  I hope there is at least one thing that makes your heart smile and that you can turn to in times of need.

Anyone reading this blog is looking for inspiration or is already on a path of inspiration, therefore I know there is one ray of light in your life and that light is what you want to put all your attention on during a stressful moment.  In addition to focusing on the positives you’re grateful for in life, you can also visualize your happy place.  Maybe you love the beach or the starry sky or maybe sunrises make you all warm and fuzzy inside.  Whatever those happy places are, envision them as you’re going through that stressful moment so that you can remove yourself, even if for just a couple minutes, from the situation and take a break.

When you come back from your pause and happy thoughts focus you can start exploring what you can do to make things better for you following the stressful incident.  If it’s a job you lost or loved one, you want to look to the next steps you can take to get where you want to be from within, as well as in action.  Know that tomorrow is another day and this means you have an opportunity to improve or change something.

As long as you stay active in achieving what your heart desires for a positive outcome in any area in your life, the surer you are to one day achieving that goal.  It is only if you sit still that you won’t move much, and still, even in those circumstances you can rest assured that life will surprise you.

Now it’s your turn, how do you cope with stress or what advice do you share with those around you when they are going through a stressful situation?  Can’t wait to hear your thoughts 🙂

The struggle in deciding based on your belief and what others believe

I wrote a couple blogs on making decisions a while back (like plus five years ago) and how one of the biggest dilemmas we face is knowing if we are making the ‘best’ decision ever or not.  Today I want to expand on making decisions, but with a focus on your belief; particularly, when others have something different to say about what you believe in and the decisions you’re looking to make based on those beliefs.  It is a struggle I think everyone faces at some point or another in their life.  After all, what you believe in has been influenced and may still be influenced by others.  This is what you want to explore and decide upon.

Let’s start with the fact that you should value your beliefs the same way you do those of others.  What I mean is that you shouldn’t discredit your beliefs because others don’t believe the same.  It is normal to second guess or want to talk out a belief, especially when you’re deciding on something important in your life; but since it is a decision that will affect your life, your belief, your gut feeling, should be number one of what you listen to when making your decision.

The reason for your belief to hold priority is that if you make a decision based on someone else’s belief, especially if it doesn’t resonate with what you believe in, and your decision turns out badly, you will most definitely not be happy.  Additionally, you will either regret or be upset for listening to someone else instead of going with what you believed and felt was the right choice for you.  This isn’t to say that someone can’t give you good advice, but if you hold a belief and you know what it is then there’s no reason to ask someone else what they would do or what they believe in.

Why do you ask someone what they think about a decision you’re going to make in the first place?  Is it because you doubt your beliefs and thoughts?  Is it because somehow you are certain their answers will be the right ones without a doubt?  How can you be so sure that their beliefs are better than yours?  And why would their beliefs be better than yours?

These are all questions you should ask yourself when you’re asking someone else what they believe in, instead of just listening to your own beliefs.  You should also take that moment to reflect about your held beliefs, because if you’re asking someone else for their beliefs and putting them above yours, maybe you don’t really hold those beliefs you think are yours.  Why else make a decision based on the belief someone else has instead of your own?

The struggle of following one’s own beliefs isn’t something surprising since we’re raised by parents who show us the way and teach us about life, teach us and show us how to make decisions and so on.  However, there comes a time when what you feel in your heart becomes a lot more obvious.  When what you believe in isn’t something based on what you were taught by your parents or society anymore, but it is a belief that stems from a feeling from inside, from your heart or your gut or both.

When you’re faced with a struggle of going with what you believe in versus what someone else believes in or tells you to believe in, stop and ask yourself why someone else’s belief holds more value than your own.  If in that moment, in that questioning, you find an answer that transforms your belief into the one that the other person has or you find a certain answer to why their belief is more important and true than yours, then go with their belief.  But if you don’t find any of that, then you should go with your belief or figure out why you keep holding beliefs that you don’t trust and that you won’t use to make important life decisions that affect you.

How do you work out the struggle between going with what you believe in versus what others believe in?

Why does there have to be struggle in life

How many of you think struggle is part of life?  That if you want to get something or somewhere, you have to fight for it?  How many of you believe everything happens without having to fight to conquer it all?  That things happen quite naturally, as long as movement is in place?  Or how about that process and achieving something naturally takes time to evolve and come to fruition, that is all?

I ask these questions because at the bottom of struggle in life is this belief that you have to work for what you want to achieve otherwise you won’t get anywhere.  It’s not the sentence in itself, of course there is “work” behind every action if you’re going to get from place A to Z, but the weight given to “work,” as if it’s this insurmountable obstacle and that the road is going to be so arduous and painful; that added feeling is brought about by the way part of the world decided to portray this idea of working to get what you want.

A good portion of people in this world promote the struggle life notion that many people feel everyday and use to acknowledge what their journey will be like.  I still recall going through it myself; the internal heaviness that came from contemplating all the decisions I had made up till that moment and seeing only a fraction of where I had envisioned myself being after doing that.  This feeling did not motivate me, maybe the quotes and inspirational messages of people who had climbed their mountain did; but all my moment did was drain me of energy and make me feel powerless.  As life started showing signs of me being on the right path by materializing situations and events, it dawned on me that struggle didn’t have to be part of the equation.  It wasn’t that heavy feeling that helped me get anywhere, it was me steadily pursuing what I believed in wholeheartedly.  It was that simple; and in that moment of realization, a weight was lifted off my shoulders and everything became so much easier from there on.

I share this tidbit in the hopes that it helps you reflect on your struggles and realize that it doesn’t have to be that way, that heavy.  There may be those who advocate tough insurmountable challenges or maybe it is because of that toughness that you are pursuing your goals.  There are people who thrive in the extreme opposite feeling conditions (high stress, high reward).  If that’s the case, this means struggle is in tune with you and part of what will help you get where you want in life.  But if you notice that you’re not a life struggle type person, that your day to day struggles bring you down and drain you of your energy, you can change the scenario.  It takes some time and self-awareness, refraining from seeing everything as a battle, and entrusting your thoughts to life and your inner knowledge of what your path is meant to be.  All you have to do is make a choice and go from there.

Whether you’re a person who chooses struggle in life or belief in life, you will get to where you’re meant to be, you will achieve all that is going to be a part of your life.  It’s simply a matter of time.

What do you think about struggle in life?

Wednesday Wisdom Tip

Wednesday Wisdom Tip

#WednesdayWisdom Tips

For Wednesday Wisdom I thought I’d share a tip I find helpful in inspiring and uplifting my days.  Since #WW takes place on a weekly basis I figure I update this blog post with tips when they come to mind.  If you’d love to contribute your wisdom tips too, leave them in the comments below and I’ll add it to the list (with the appropriate attribution of course).

So here goes… Wednesday Wisdom Tips

  1. When something upsets you, take a deep breath and think of one thing you’re grateful for (if you’re alive and healthy you’ve already got two things to rejoice); doing this should help you turn that frown right back up into a smile outside and inside!
  2. When the day is done, right before you go to sleep, think of one thing you’re happy you did today.  Then think of one thing you’d like to get done tomorrow and why it means so much to you that you get it done.
  3. What is one thing you know you have when a day has passed?  Simply put, you have life.  When the end of the day arrives, look back at all the moments you lived that day and pin point one of your favorite moments for the day.
  4. Your outlook on life can take different turns as you explore the experiences you live day by day.
  5. In those moments of drained energy, those tiresome days, take a minute and redirect your focus to a moment you recall where you were at your best.  Feel the energy of that day and let it help you get through this one.
  6. The struggle is real so long as it is in your head; for the mind has limitless potential in what you can see, if only you choose to dive into the different possibilities.
  7. What makes the process challenging is having the patience to let it take its course.  All needs time, and when you remove the expectation of a set time, this stops you from feeling weighed down and allows you to enjoy the process.
  8. Create your own boxes for you because at the end of the day, you’re the person you’ll be answering to when it comes time to how you feel about something and how you live your life.
  9. If you find yourself in doubt about something, focus on the one thing you are sure about, and ask yourself to truthfully answer how certain or afraid you are about the thing you are doubting.
  10. Listening to yourself is important, but so is seeing with the eyes of others when trying to truly understand them.