Overcoming insecurities and removing external definitions

Overcoming insecurities and removing external definitions

Typically, we all get defined by our loved ones as we grow up.  You know, those comments that end up defining you as the talker of the family or the neat freak or the nagger, and so on.  While these traits can be a part of who you are, they don’t have to define you in such a way as to make you insecure or self-conscious.  Yet, they do affect each one of us in a way that makes us justify or excuse our behavior in numerous circumstances.  If it only stopped there that would be fine, but these definitions of us also end up affecting what we do or don’t do.

When you’ve been told for most of your life that you’re a certain way (whatever the traits and behaviors you’ve been ascribed) you also think that maybe you can’t do something because of it, and this is where these external definitions stop you from doing something.  But the little component that stops you for good is you, which is why you need to remove these external noises.  The only way you’re going to do this is if you stop thinking these traits are something you need to remove or something that need to be justified.  So, how do you do this?

For starters, recognizing that many of the definitions (vices and virtues) of you come from others.  By others I mean loved ones and guides.  This includes parents (first and foremost), siblings, teachers, friends, and colleagues to name a few.  With this knowledge, you can now move on to recognizing when you’re getting on your own case because of something someone else has told you is a “bad” thing or is something that could be avoided.

We all have had these situations where we stop ourselves or think about something we’re doing in a way where we make an excuse and justify why we’re doing what we’re doing.  It’s in these instances that you should remember that the only reason you’re justifying yourself is because someone has told you that you do this too much or that you should stop doing this because it’s not a good thing.  You become self-conscious and this makes any insecurities you may have regarding yourself that much more present.

This heightened insecurity then brings about a feeling of lack or not good enough or maybe just a tiny doubt about yourself; no matter how big or small, it stops you from being yourself 100%.  You hold back because you have your loved ones’ repetitive voice in your head telling you to get rid of that habit, to stop doing that thing, or just that you’re too much of this or that.

Once you sit down with yourself and ask if you’re ok with being that “too much” or “too little” then it’s up to you to come to your defense the next time your insecurity arises and you hear those voices, those comments, that allow doubt to creep in.  Stop in that moment and remind yourself that you’re ok with that trait, that you accept it and it is others who are different and that this is ok.  It’s ok to be different and at the end of the day, the comments that these loved ones have made are based on their personalities, their perspective, their behaviors.

Another thing you could do in addition to helping yourself overcome these external definitions and stop having them hang over you and keep you from being you is to in turn stop doing this very thing to someone else.  If you define your loved ones or anyone and tell them why they shouldn’t have that trait or that they have too much of that trait, remember how you feel about this exact same situation and keep the comment to yourself.  Instead, be encouraging to them and help them to be themselves 100%, all the way, with no shame and nothing that needs to change.

How have you worked through external definitions of you and in doing so helped to eliminate your insecurities too?

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How can you handle your frustration to make it better

Frustration gets the best of you if you let it.  When you’re frustrated it feels good to vent and let it out, but what happens if that frustration isn’t dealt with?  It just sits there and the feeling isn’t pretty.  It’s a vicious cycle to just let your frustration repeat itself over and over again.  Even though the situation may pass and you won’t get frustrated for some time, the same situation could present itself again; and then what?  You get upset again, and start all over.  If on the other hand, you take that frustration and try to deal with it; you will not only learn something about yourself, but you will also stop the repeat cycle.

Frustrations come about because something happens that you don’t like or don’t want.  Someone pushes your buttons or a day you had planned to the last detail ends up going in a totally different direction (just because, or maybe because of something or someone else).  The first thing to do in a situation where frustration arises is to take a step back and remember that for one, what’s done is done.  Whatever just happened that caused your frustration is already in the past.  Now, it’s up to you to take a closer look at yourself and understand what is causing the frustration.

If your frustration is based on the actions of another person, you need to keep in mind that you can’t control people’s actions.  You should also know that your frustration arises from what you believe that person should have done or not done.  This isn’t to say that you’re in the wrong, but when two people come together to do something (or just by chance) it’s only normal that there could be different behaviors, responses, and actions to the same situation.  In understanding what you expected from the situation you can talk yourself through the frustration and make plans for future scenarios that are similar to the one you just experienced.

When frustration arises from an incident, but where nobody else was involved, it is up to you to remember that another thing you don’t control include events outside of you.  Frustration won’t help you change what just happened, but after sharing the moment with someone move on to the exploration.  Find out what exactly ticked you off and think about how you could prepare for a similar event or change your reaction.

The only reason you’re reading this blog is if you’re interested in transforming your frustration so that you can move passed it and try to minimize or even get rid of that frustration altogether moving forward.  It isn’t bad to get frustrated, but it doesn’t do much for you either.  By taking your frustration and using it to understand yourself better, as well as deciding on what actions you’d like to take if the same things happen (instead of getting frustrated); you allow yourself to meet life’s unexpected events with a calmer attitude.

How do you deal with frustration and what are some ways you moved passed it?

What are you doing about your emotional highs and lows to further inner growth?

One of the toughest things people experience throughout their lifetime are the fluctuations of highs and lows.  One moment you’re happy, the next you’re sad.  It doesn’t have to always be like that, but it depends on how you approach those contrasting moments.  Do you just let them happen?  Do you question what’s going on?  Do you find a reason for continuing to live in that emotional state?  Do they even grab your attention in a thought provoking way or do you just notice them because of the horrible feeling you have when you’re going through a low?

These are all questions that aim to spark your interest, maybe you’ve already answered them or maybe you’ve never thought of them.  For as much as we are told life has its good and bad moments, it always comes back to what we choose to see and even more so, what we believe in from our core.  It’s up to us to know our core or seek help to uncover it.  The thing is, this discovery can be quite painful being that it brings us to a place where our biggest fears are present.  However, as it is with anything inner growth related, the result stems from us and how badly we really, want something.

Emotional highs and lows are so intense to go through, even if you’ve only had one experience of this kind, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  One moment you’re invincible and the next you’re a lifelong prisoner.  This type of feeling is addictive on both ends; the issue is going from one extreme to the other due to the extreme nature of the lows.  As always the lows can bring a person down so much that they don’t get up and that’s an issue for the person and inner growth, right?

The fundamental question you should start off with if you’re really, set on getting over this habit of extremes is asking yourself if you believe there is harmony and balance.  Do you believe that you can release your expectations, judgements and all the things that are tied to your low moments?  Or does your inner self really, believe the world is cruel, unjust and a prison for all?  This might seem an extreme statement, but from my own personal experiences and those shared by friends, those emotional lows, seriously make you feel like you’re on earth prison.

The people I’ve seen get out of this habit tend to be in search of inner growth and inclined to believe in love and life.  These are some of the things that help them to pursue achieving a balance and at the very least, reducing those low emotional extreme moments to ones where they know it’s not the end of the world; that there is a way out.  As you go through your emotional lows and find positive feelings and thoughts to comfort you, you reduce the impact of that low moment to one where it doesn’t make you not want to do anything, but rather it sparks your mind to ask more questions to yourself or to focus on all the things you do have.

It’s always about our own focus, you can choose to see a prison or choose to see what’s outside of it, how you can get out of it, and so on.  It doesn’t mean it’s easy, but if you believe there’s a way out, then that’s a first step towards not only uncovering more about yourself, but also eventually making these lows very easy for you to handle.

How do you explore your emotional lows to add to your inner growth journey?  And how do you pursue harmony and balance instead of extremes?