Idolizing the accomplishments of others holds a hidden message

Have you ever thought about the hidden message behind the inclination for people to give more importance and value to what someone else does than what they do? The habit of idolizing the accomplishments of others, but deeming their own ordinary or filled with imperfections?

It’s fascinating what a title means in the eyes of the world and how even when titles mean nothing to someone, there isn’t the habit of thinking of one’s own doings (accomplishments, works, thoughts, person) as awesome or amazing.  Even when someone else compliments you about something, in your head you wonder if it’s true, could this be.  You might even feel guilty in thinking you’ve done something great because you know, being humble is what it’s all about…never express how great you are ‘cause you know, that’s just not right’.  That thought process right there is most certainly one of the reasons why we, as humans, are more inclined to praise others and their work versus our own.

Other things that play a role are stardom and honorary titles. People are presented to us by others as grandiose, but even if they’re not, somehow in our eyes they rise to this level of awe and feeling of wonder at how much they do.  Sometimes these accomplishments aren’t even as big as they seem; there’s just some really good marketing involved with the right rhetoric and psychological components.  Whether it’s through a newspaper, online, at a concert, in a movie or even a friend’s friend who know the CEO of that company or this company; everyone’s just so ‘Wow’.  You, you’re ‘em’, ordinary you, ordinary us.

It’s great to cheer each other on and support human accomplishments; it’s not great to underestimate your own of accomplishments.  The hidden message behind this inclination of idolization is just that, the habit of looking to your own ‘stuff’ and you, as not as great as that person who is on the screen or has that expert title or honorary status.  There are many who criticize this statement; who say, if you haven’t done something that has been recognized by XYZ institution, association or organization then you’re a nobody and should not be talking about your accomplishments as if they’re all that.  The problems I have with this statement is that sometimes someone may have received an award or title or fame, but their actual work…not that great, they just have the title.

At the end of the day, it isn’t removing such tendencies of society to group itself in these organized categories of status that is being explored.  The exploration is to bring about awareness in you on whether or not you may be underestimating what you do each day and who you are.  Looking up to others and their accomplishments is fine, but don’t forget to give yourself the credit you deserve.

What’s one of the hidden messages you have found from the tendency of people to idolize others and their accomplishments?

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Your greatest gift is you

Your greatest gift is you

On this day of celebration and the other holidays during this time of year, where gifts are given and thanks exchanged, we must not forget ourselves.  You are the greatest gift you could receive and give to others…

Thanks to you being alive you experience.

Thanks to you making choices you mold your life.

Thanks to your thoughts you make discoveries.

Thanks to your perspective you see the world.

And when it comes to others…

Thanks to your love you cherish others and make a difference in their lives.

Thanks to who you are: others live an experience, feel a feeling, and see different perspectives.

Thanks to you so much can happen, and without you, there would be none of that for you or for anyone else.

Never forget to cherish yourself…to love yourself…and to know what a great gift you are to those around you, as they are to you!

Exploring your feelings

When you’re happy or sad or angry, do you ever think about that feeling and explore it?  By explore it, I don’t mean focusing on what just happened and your reaction; I mean diving into it with words that bring about an explosion of feelings and that lead you into a state of presence of that feeling.  A state of presence because by focusing your attention on what you’re feeling in that moment you are living that feeling and nothing else.

It’s very hard to focus on the feeling versus the events that happened to bring about that feeling; and maybe it’s not feasible to think that a person can only feel the feeling without the rest, but even for a brief moment it is possible.  It’s possible thanks to our ability to focus our minds and for the words we have available to describe a feeling.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been amazed at the number of words that can express something.  At the same time, I’ve found one word doesn’t always encompass the entirety of something I’m trying to express, especially a feeling.  It might be for this reason that I always use more than one word to get my feelings across or to try my best to share the feeling I’m having with someone, even with myself.  This exercise has brought me to attribute synonyms and descriptions to my feelings when I’m feeling joy or sadness or gratefulness.  For as long as I do this, I am in that moment and the feeling gets bigger and bigger.  Not bigger as in heavier, bigger like a bright light that gets brighter and brighter every added word I use, and that ends up making me feel full of that feeling.

Obviously, the feelings that make my heart smile are much nicer to do this exercise with, but I’ve also found it helpful to do it with those feelings that do the opposite.  Thanks to the word feeling exploration I’ve been able to experience that sadness or anger fully, as well as share it in a way that ended up helping me to understand, let go, and move on.

By thinking of the feeling with different words that are used for the purpose of describing that feeling to yourself (or someone), you repeatedly feel the feeling as you think the words because it’s the feeling that is your inspiration.  By describing your feeling, you are focusing on it and it alone, which then allows you to experience it without distractions.

Even though this may seem like a waste of time to some, it’s quite beautiful when put in practice for those who appreciate every feeling they get to experience while alive.  Also, for the not so happy feelings, this type of exercise can lead to a full emotional release of the feeling, as well as give an opportunity to continue exploring the feeling by integrating into the mix questions that lead to understanding your feelings for the purpose of finding a resolution that can calm what’s going on.

The limitless nature of our exploring potential as humans can lead to feeling a feeling to the utmost heights, as well as lead that moment into one that brings about inner growth questions and contemplation.  It’s great to feel or for sure it means you’re alive; and having different feelings is what allows us to even contemplate this entire topic 🙂

How about you?  How do you explore your feelings?

How aware are you of your fears and biases and why does it matter?

When it comes to really knowing yourself, fears and biases are quite challenging to identify.  They are two components that hinder our inner growth if they remain hidden.  They do so by keeping us stuck and acting as blinders to opportunities, options, and different perspectives that lay before us.  Without awareness of your fears and biases you are not able to overcome them, nor to see how they are tainting a situation or reaction with the feelings they bring about and thoughts they themselves instill upon you.

So, even if you don’t want to rid yourself of your fears and biases, a lack of awareness of them means you won’t have the opportunity to truly learn from experiences or pursue growth or see clearly.  Clarity is achieved when nothing obstructs what’s in front of you.  Fears and biases, although not physical objects, hinder the ability to see what is in front of you because they paint a preconceived picture of what’s going on or of a person and their behavior based on feelings of uncertainty and/or judgements that you have regarding that situation and/or person and their behavior.  Not actively knowing that you’re doing this makes you interpret what’s going on as true, while a part of what you’re seeing (perceiving, thinking, etc.) is based on you (your fears and biases).

It’s not a matter of right or wrong (good or bad), but objectivity is key to uncovering yourself if you’re really set on a path of self-discovery and inner growth.  Even if you decide to keep your fears and biases, the fact that you can be aware of them will paint an entirely different picture.  You’ll be able to see the situation and/or person clearly and yourself (your fears and biases) alongside it.  This gives you the opportunity to avoid missing out on something amazing from that specific experience, interaction, life moment; and it also helps you to ask yourself questions and explore why you’re fearful of this or that and/or why you’re judging a person or situation in that way.

The difficulty in uncovering your fears is somewhat more challenging than uncovering your biases.  There are biases that are deep rooted within us like gender bias or classicism, but for the most part if you’re aware of your external cultural and societal influences, such as family teachings or country culture, it’s easier for you to identify your biases.  Especially, when you compare different family teachings or country cultures across the globe (that’s why travelling helps to open up our minds, we realize that there are different cultures out there; and thanks to the internet, now this knowledge is way more accessible to everyone even without travelling).  When it comes to our fears it’s a whole different story.  Our fears, while some lie on the surface, there are those that are hidden deep within subconscious and within our unconsciousness.  These are tougher to catch in the moment because they have a deep emotional effect on us, even uncontrollable reactions sometimes (where we fully shut down and stop absorbing any type of information).

  • Side note: According to some reading material I’ve come across, psychologists say the unconscious is inaccessible to us on our own, but only potentially accessed with a professional. I beg to differ, from personal experience and because I know the mind to be a very powerful thing.  All it takes is you truly wanting to achieve something and believing in yourself.  As long as you realize that it won’t be quick or easy, and as long as you’re patient and loving with yourself, you can dig to the depths of your being with or without anybody.  It’s all up to you ❤

As with everything related to inner growth and our life journey, there’s a process and a time.  There has to be a desire to reach different places, and the belief in your heart that you can achieve such a goal.  Your mindset is yours to mold if you want; but again, even if you’re not looking to change anything, being able to step back and objectively see where you’re affecting a specific situation with your fears and biases helps your inner growth journey.  It helps because you’re able to see two things happening in that moment, you see the situation and/or person for what they really are, with as little tainting as possible, and then you see you with your fears and/or biases.

Once you’re able to be aware of your fears and biases, in any situation and when dealing with any type of person, the questions and breathtaking moments of self and overall discovery will never cease to amaze you (and come your way).  It all starts with you being able to put yourself aside for a moment, while you’re arguing or running away or feeling anxious; and in that moment, you just ask yourself, “What am I doing? Why am I feeling this way?”  All it takes is one question, a curious mind that is looking to explore the depths of their being.

How about you, what are your thoughts on fears and biases?  How do they affect your inner growth and self-discovery?

Going beyond taking things personally to pursue broader horizons

There’s that famous expression, “It’s not personal, it’s just business” that makes some people twist their noses and cringe just a bit or a lot.  Even though the expression is used in a business setting, it is a reminder of how easy it can be for people to take things personally.  We’ve all been there, I know I have; but sometimes there’s that moment of reflection when you’re feeling like you’ve been offended or that the comment just made was meant for you and it makes you realize that maybe, just maybe, it’s not about you (at all).

Taking things personally isn’t something that does much to help your inner growth if it stops at the offended or hurt feeling.  You can stop talking to the individual who said those words to you or did something that you think was directed at you and maybe it was totally personal, but once it’s done, it’s done.  Closing off that relationship doesn’t do much for the next time the same scenario repeats itself.  It also doesn’t bring you to question your hurt feelings, which means you’ve gained nothing through that experience except for hurt.  What about making this situation another opportunity that you can turn around and learn from?  Yes, inner growth can come from taking things personally too if you choose to look at it from a different angle.

Taking something personally has a connection with expectations, the whole idea of right and wrong or fair and unfair, and if that’s where you’re at in your life and what you believe in, then you’re probably not interested in what I’m about to say.  The truth of the matter in a situation where we’re upset and/or offended is that we had an expectation and we feel something is right or wrong, fair or unfair with what was said and/or done.  Maybe even a group of people have the same set of expectations and/or have the same idea of right/wrong, fair/unfair (maybe even a majority of people); but it’s different from what that person or those people you just dealt with expect and/or think on the same subject matter.

Instead of stopping at that hurt feeling and your expectations and ideas of right/wrong, fair/unfair; take a step back.  Extract yourself and your opinion from that moment; start exploring by asking questions.  What was said that hit a nerve or what was done that upset you and made you take this thing personally?  If it was something related to performance, for example in a job, can you say with utmost certainty that you did your best?  If the answer is yes, then why are you getting upset?  Is it recognition that you want?  If so, why?  Do you still have something to prove? Or maybe is it because you feel underappreciated or someone who doesn’t do as good a job as you do at work got the recognition?

When asking yourself questions like these you follow up with answers and at a certain point you’ll be faced with a decision.  You can accept or find a way you can change the situation.  If you have nothing to prove, then you realize that taking this comment personally is really signaling that you still have some insecurity going on or if you don’t, then why are you upset?  Maybe it’s fairness (justice) that you want.  Again, this signals you need proof that confirms your own thought or idea.  Whenever we need proof of something it signals a desire for confirmation that you’re on track, which then means inside of you there is still some doubt, even if it’s a spec.  People who are confident in a thought or action, don’t look for confirmation from the outside.

This is only one example of why something can be taken personally, but of course there’s being told something by someone, which seems to coincide with something you went through and/or there’s an actual direct accusation of some sort.  Whatever the situation you can still learn something about yourself if you turn your focus to you and why you’re taking this thing personally.  You’ll uncover a lot of hidden answers, questions, more answers.  This doesn’t mean you change your belief of right/wrong, fair/unfair, or anything like that.  This is always up to you to know if you’re up for a transformation on those identified things.

The world has multiple perspectives and multiple scenarios that can take place; this means you are challenged daily with your expectations and right/wrong definitions, etc.  When you realize this, and decide to go beyond the reaction of taking something personally, you pursue your inner growth in ways that will surprise you each time.  Not only does this allow you to be a better you, but it also helps you to stay calm in a situation that you may need that clear thinking to make an even better decision for a better outcome.

Life experiences are yours to own if you choose to do so.  Taking something personally is not good or bad, but it has its limitations since it doesn’t pursue inner growth or exploration if you stay stuck in that feeling (and then again, and again the next time it happens).  Something to think about; and also to think about is when you interact with people who take things personally.  This awareness can help you understand them better, reach out to them with a different tone and/or have a level of empathy that can transform the situation and result in a peaceful outcome.

How do you handle your moments of taking things personally or people you encounter that take things personally?  What takeaways did you find that helped your inner growth journey?

Everyone has insecurities, it’s what you do with them that can make a difference

As we explore life, our ups and downs, and continue our inner growth journey there are bound to be moments of insecurities.  Everyone gets them, even if they may be few and far.  Insecurities can have different ways of making us feel, but if we stay away from attributing a negative connotation to them we can reduce those down feelings and use those moments of insecurities in favor of strength and inner growth.

When it comes to insecurities and inner growth, it’s always a matter of perspective.  From where does your thought process on the situation begin?  If you begin contemplation from a place of judgement towards yourself as someone who’s not good enough (for example), then you’re already thinking in a way that doesn’t give you the drive to move forward.  It’s not that you don’t want to be driven, but you’re thought begins with a limiting belief on your own capabilities, which means within your peripheral view you see a limit.  The limit becomes your “solution” because that’s what you’re seeing.  If on the other hand, you begin your thought process from a place of neutral ground towards yourself, so knowing that you’re feeling uncertain about something, but without the component of limited belief, this leaves you open to the contemplation of different options because you’re not telling yourself you can’t.  In a neutral mindset, you’re seeing a challenge (insecurity), but leaving yourself open to the possibility of a different outcome.

There are a lot of people who think they are the only ones who are insecure, which adds to that feeling of loss and limitedness.  I’m sure you’ve had those friends who when you’ve told them about your insecurities have said something like, “Wow, so I’m not the only one who feels this way about this or that thing?!”  Feeling like you’re the only one doubting things makes you feel even more alone and like there’s no way out.  This is why so many people find comfort in hearing the individuals they look up to, share insecurities and challenges.  It helps individuals know they’re not alone, but also that it doesn’t mean they are limited in any way.  Hence, the absence of judgement on yourself when feeling insecure.

With a neutral feeling towards yourself and your insecurities you can move to the next piece of the puzzle, which is questioning what is going on with these feelings.  Why are you feeling insecure?  Is it that you’re comparing yourself to others?  Is it that someone you love has expressed an unsatisfactory comment?  Is it you trying to meet expectations you’ve set for yourself without realizing what external forces (you don’t control) are playing a part in meeting your set goals?  All of these questions and more are things to ask yourself whatever the insecurity may be.

An inner growth mindset can help you reduce the limited feelings and thoughts that come with life challenges, such as insecurities, but what will dissolve that feeling to a minimum is the self-worth you give yourself and your own opinions, actions, and so on.  This isn’t to say you should ignore external advice or people when it comes to doing something, but you should personally feel good about it and realize that your opinion on something that affects your life is worth just as much as the next.  Your focus needs to be on your heart, on you, not on the right or wrong measured by everything and everyone else.  Those components are necessary for you to know and unavoidable to have around, but it’s up to you what power they have over how you see yourself, feel about yourself, and live your life.

Our insecurities stem from a comparison with someone or something that is outside of us or something that we’ve heard or seen, or someone who’s pointed out some comparison and their own measure of excellent or not.  This doesn’t mean we’re not good enough or that we’ve failed.  It only means we’re measuring our situation with something else (or someone else).  The judge of whether it is better or not can come from the outside world or yourself.  The more you rely on what you feel inside on being ok with you, the more you will diminish feelings of inadequacy.  Does this mean other people measuring success or failure in their own way will be the same as yours?  Not necessarily, but that shouldn’t be your focus because these people are not your solution and they are not a solution to your insecurities either.

How have you pursued inner growth thanks to the insecurities you’ve faced and/or continue to face?